i see my world through a box called a camera.
in this box i place people, and lines, and shapes, forms, and patterns, textures and colors, values and balance.
it is through this box called a camera that i am able to see the world how i want to see it.
how i want to feel it.
how i want to remember it
...and how i want to share it.
i invite you to look inside my world from a box.
stay a while,
find and explore your own
shapes and lines and such.
accept it, question it,
and take a swim around in it.
above are some polaroid tests i just shot of my daughter ava this morning. yup, Polaroid 669, still have me some boxes of that lovely stuff. us film shooters don’t have the luxury of instant gratification of seeing an image appear on an LCD screen…instead we have to wait an entire minute for the no-longer-in-production-polaroid to develop – definitely comes at a cost.
why was i doing tests? i wasn’t testing the polaroid film, but rather my lens and camera. and here’s how things became my ironic tragedy…
recently i was in DC shooting a wedding and the day after i zipped over to the DC Mall to tour the historic sites….(on a side note: it was recommended that i rent a bike to see the sites. i was able to score me a female-powder-blue-beach-cruiser bike and i toured everything i wanted to within the only 4 hours of free time i had. – by far one of the funnest days of my life. so glad i didn’t walk everything, my feet felt bruised from the all-dayer i shot the day previous and the cruiser’s cushioney-cushion seat, the wind blowing through my coarse beard hair, and cruising in between the sidewalkers – all felt like god’s smile was upon me. if you’re interested in checking into getting a bike while in DC for your visit look them up at bikethesites.com. seriously, it turned what could be an exhaustive experience into a literal fun breeze.)…anyways, back to my “tragedy”….i hit all the sites and the last on my list was the National Gallery of Art. as i had toured through a mere glimpse of what the museum had to offer (saw me some Rembrandt, Vermeer, DaVinci, Matisse, Cezanne, Monet, Van Gogh, and Picasso)…it was at the last piece of my tour when tragedy struck. i just happened to be observing Picasso’s “the tragedy”, poised with my camera in hand and eye piece to my eye to take a pic, the crowd bumped me and i accidentaly threw a misfire exposure. doesn’t sound too bad right? well, somewhere in the jumbled mess of crowd and me with camera i realized my camera was now jammed. the lens wouldn’t allow me to see anything through the viewfinder, i couldn’t remove my lens from the camera body, and i couldn’t advance my film, the gears were jammed. yes, a tragedy with my camera had just occurred in front of “the tragedy”.
i wasn’t too upset, knowing that this is considered a “jam”, knowing that it’s fixable, and plus it happened on my own off time. i returned home to look up online how to fix the jamming of my Hasselblad 501cm. with some helpful links here and here i was able to get the literal nuts and bolts working again. HA! try that digital world, if your camera goes out you are hosed. thats one HUGE reason i love shooting with such a simple and mechanical camera, no electronics to master, no batteries to have to replace, straight up light going through a lens and into a box where your film sits (just remember to always carry a small screwdriver where ever you go).
and by the looks of the polaroids above, you can confirm that i got my camera and lens to be in good working shape again…and so the personalities of my daughter caught on film can continue. on with the smiles! down with the tragedy!
go here to visit the knot’s feature of my drive-in themed engagement shoot.
and go here to see the original post of this shoot and learn more behind the story. (good reads and interesting trivia about depeche mode)
these are a few reads that i have pounded through since the spring time. books, music, movies, and pretty much everything can be a source for inspiration for me and my photography. thought you might like to know what i am feeding my brain these days….
i was so intimated by this book. the brick-thick pages that it contains could scare any wolf away. however this spring, due to encouragement of a friend of mine informing me that he “reads it once a year”….insane. if he can read it over and over i can read it at least once. and so i set out to tackle my own enemies, my own self, and read this 1250 page book. and i am so ever glad that i did. there are so many incredibly well written passages in this book, the characters are so thick with detail that a finger could noodle it’s way out of a paragraph, the revenge is sweet and tragic, and the love Dumas expresses (came as a surprise) was incredibly touching. coincidentally when i was at the beginning stages of my “death portraits” project i was also reading this novel on my off time. i read words like “he no longer dared to hold the hand that dangled outside the bed, he no longer dared to look into those staring white eyes, which he tried several times to close, but in vain; they always remained open..terrifying because there was no thought behind them.” – haunting. that was EXACTLY what i was trying to photograph!!!
and then Dumas can flip the emotions like a light switch – from horror to hate to love…his love expressed in this verse “anything that you might have to say to me will never be worth what i can read in your eyes, what your heart has thought and mine felt.”…it doesn’t get much better.
hands down one of my all time favorite books. ever. love it.
again, i was intimidated by this book for the longest time as well because of the older english text. i have now learned i need to give myself more credit for the grey matter that i can put to good use.
never before i have i read such a book that brought such haunting imagery into my mind. actual b&w photos illuminated my mind while reading these pages and it has given me a thirst to bring justice to the monster that Shelly created. i want to kick hollywood in the nuts for the dumb-green-skinned-flat-headed-bolts-in-his-neck monster that we all now know as frankenstein.
it is a beautiful story, one that poses many intriguing themes and questions (personal responsibility. pride. science and progress, the relentless search for knowledge – and at what cost? what qualities make us human? fear. abandonment. love. innocence. hatred. revenge. guilt and shame. acceptance and understanding.)…a deeply layered and incredible story.
i breezed through this book in a few evenings…and now thanks to this book i sit here in Aug waiting for the snow to come. i am drooling at the mouth to see snowy peaks that i can go surf again. this is a story about a father and son, a broken up home, and how the waves of the ocean and the powder snow became a way to leave all the crap of the world behind. an amazing part of this memoir is that the boy (author) survived a plane crash at the age of 11, because of his adrenaline seeking father pushing him to “chase the storm” and to always find the next big wave, he was able to crawl down an entire mountain of ice and live to tell the tale.
i love the metaphor the author uses in relating surfing a tube wave to life…”the ominous wall would bend and wrap me in it’s peaceful womb, revealing everything essential, a dream of pure happiness, – beyond all the bullsh*t. somewhere in the oval opening [of the wave] there is more to life than just surviving it. inside each turbulence there is a calm – a sliver of light buried in the darkness.”
this sucker snagged me quick, i could relate to many of the feeling on the pages, and now i can’t wait to grab my own board and hit the hills. blessed utah snow….
a moment of reflection with the infamous k-town. i can’t thank you enough for the countless hours you have worked, the inspiration you helped materialize…and the friend i have gained.
the time has come for me to make a shot out for some new individuals that are looking for internship opportunities.
i do get inquiries quite often, if you are interested in an internship with me i am asking that you email me and state “internship with duston todd” in the subject line. my email…duston@dustontodd.com.
responding in this matter will greatly help keep things organized from here forward – (so even if you have already inquired please do so again.) once i have gathered the responses i will follow up with more details on an individual basis.
color photography can have a surprising impact and influence on you. as we know, most of the images from decades ago were all taken in b&w. for that matter i have an abstracted sense of reality for those time periods – something i couldn’t relate to, like it was a different life altogether…and today i came across a Denver Post photo blog that has spotlighted a 2006 exhibit titled “Bound For Glory: America in Color”. the Denver Post’s feature of this exhibit is titled:
seeing these images from this time period in color has had that surprising influence on me. it is the color in the photographs that brought the stories, the people, and the events a lot closer to home, like it was indeed reality and it was indeed just yesterday. quite humbling and haunting to say the least. makes me want to squeeze my grandparents a little tighter….and the images are incredible.
again, the feature is a must see, click here to see the post.
we recently went out of town to yellowstone, and coincidentally ran into owners of another golden retriever who accompanied them at old faithful. at first glance i thought their dog had some funky hair disease, but as we approached them (and as it is impossible for my kids to pass a dog without petting it), we soon learned the couple had shaved/trimmed their dog’s heavy coat. the cool thing, it wasn’t just an all over trim but they intentionally left a racer stripe along it’s back. i didn’t know this, but it is quite a common practice for the heavy coat dogs to be trimmed down during the summer heat. this excited me and i was immediately inspired “i am sooo giving my dog a lion’s mane!!!”
we, on the other hand, had left our lovely lulu at home with my cousin. when we picked her up after our trip she was excited to greet us but something didn’t seem quite right, she was so tired and drooling like a raving mad man. my wife looked up on the internet (that information super highway is a mighty thing) and learned that it could very easily be a sign of heat exhaustion. our dog is mostly an indoor dog, but while we were away she was mostly outside in triple digit heat….the lion’s mane soon followed as a result of necessity and not just for my amusement. long live lulu the lionheart!!!
homage to Jonathan Canlas.
FILM IS NOT DEAD (and when it is read in the bathroom mirror DAED TON SI MLIF)
i recently visited with Jon and walked away with this nifty t-shirt as a gift. admittedly i wear it a ton and i can’t believe how many people are intrigued by what it has to say. (people are listening)
i deeply respect Jon, his work, his talent, his reservoir of knowledge that he shares, his voice, and what he is doing to give film a revival in the wedding industry. long live film. 100% film shooters for life!!!…indeed, film is not dead.
to learn more about Jon and his workshops titled “FILM IS NOT DEAD” click here.
if you didn’t get a chance to see Carly and Scott’s gorgeous backyard wedding, you have a chance to learn more of the story behind the wedding and see it on Style Me Pretty!
and if you’d like to see my full posting to the wedding event visit here.
it is my hope that if you missed the exhibit that this video can give you some key insight into how the final prints were presented.
this video was shot by friend and fellow photog Matt McDaniel (many thanks Matt!!!)
and if needed, you can visit the original post to my blog that shares the story and 15 images that make up my death portraits here.
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sharing a personal story and subject matter of this nature subjected myself to public criticism and my true vulnerable self was fully exposed – but what could i gain by not sharing what i felt in my heart? what benefit would i receive from harboring these experiences and bringing them to my own death bed never to share?
this life we live is meant to be *lived*. it is meant to be experienced. to be embraced. to be shared. to be true, to the fullest. to have no regrets. to open up and express and grow. in truth, i am surprised by the feedback from many that have thanked me for being so open…that they wouldn’t dare to do so. this is what i say to you….do it… you have a story. you have a heart….do it…be real. be honest. be sincere. grow. learn. appreciate. love….just think what would happen to our world and society if we listened to the voice that says “i can” rather than “i can’t”. think of the sitting potential in peoples hands and what could be done with it. think of how much of it is never shared and stays hidden never to receive it’s light. be brave. be honest. be true….be you.
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the following are personal emails that i have received from others, and with their permission i am sharing their comments with you. **i do not share these comments for my own glory box, but rather it is shared in hopes that it becomes a source of shared encouragement and inspiration for you.**
“This morning I completely understood the touch, sight, and hollowness of words expressed only through pain, of the death you described in the publication you provided about your late mother. Last night/this morning I woke to a frantic call form my mother telling me my best friend and youngest brother of which I have done my best to protect from the evils of society of which I have experienced in the past to my fullest, that he went to sleep and never woke up… I rushed to the hospital.
———–defining emotion is near to impossible right now——
With loving touch, I stroked his skin. Caressed his beautiful face, kissed his cold forehead, and forced myself to say goodbye. MY GOD!
After wiping the tears from everything, the simple word “love you” excreted from my lips.
All the questions of should I’ve done more, or should I’ve done less, Have been con-jumbled into one big ball of knotted yarn that will take years to unravel, if ever unraveled at all.
Tonight I remembered your art show. Resolve holds no merit when avoidance guides your vessel.
Who knows…. At this point it’s all a big balled up knot of yarn.”
“Duston, the exhibit was amazing.. very thought provoking indeed. It touched my soul, thank you….”
“at first when I heard about the title of your project I was a bit disturbed. After reading your blog however, I was emotionally touched. The tragedy and horror of your experience in the hospital left a dark hole in your life at such a young age. The photos are beautiful and I think your mother would be proud of the artist you are, the man that you have become and for the bravery you exhibited in doing this project. ”
“words cannot express the awe I felt as I read your story and looked through your art. Breathtaking. I had no idea about your mother. I am so sorry for that. You write very beautifully. Your pictures are more than words can say. I feel bad I couldn’t make it that night. Thank you for sending the pictures and story. Beautiful.”
“The exhibit was amazing, I love what you captured. I think it was a very profound experience for you to go through and perhaps learned a few things along the way. As with any personal project, I guess we are always looking to learn more about ourselves in our quest. Right? As always you inspire me to conquer my own personal projects, thanks Duston!!”
“I just wanted to send you a note on how much I appreciate that there are photographers like you out there. I am about to go into my second year of studying photography, and when I see work like yours it makes so much sense.
Coming from a background in design, I always felt it too impersonal. Your exhibition has inspired me to keep on going with my photography, pursue some topics that I didn’t have a clue how to tackle and allow myself to make beautiful photographs that go beyond what is expected. I am so glad you posted it on your blog and had the generosity to share such a personal project….
Congratulations Mr. Todd, much respect to you and your beautiful, meaningful, inspiring work. ”
“Thank you so much for posting to your blog. I read the story behind your project and just had my breath taken away. Every person deals with death so differently and to hear how honest and raw your reaction was and how you shared that with everyone took such guts. I really admire the reason you pushed yourself so outside the box for this personal project. I hope there was some healing, forgiveness and closure through your creation of such wonderful and haunting art.
My baby boy died almost 7 years ago and I held him as we took him off life support. I shoot for a group called NILMDTS (now i lay me down to sleep). It’s an infant/child bereavement photography service, maybe you have heard of it? Anyway….. at the time of his birth and death I didn’t want any photos of my son and thankfully a nurse talked me into taking a few. I started shooting for friends/family that knew someone who had lost a baby just because my experience and talent were unique. Then I stumbled upon the NILMDTS website. Long story short, shooting these sessions of babies that have already died, are on life support or knowingly going to die soon is my ‘personal project’. I just wanted to share with you that I loved your project and it hit home just because of the death theme, plus, your story moved me. Thank you for having the courage to share your reaction to your mom’s death.”
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i sincerely thank those that have opened their heart and have expressed what you have…i have grown because of you and i now understand better the purpose of this journey.
this is what art is all about.
and now it is your turn.
after sitting with the same pricing and wedding coverage plans for way too long, we have decided to make some long overdue adjustments. as of July 1st, 2010 we will be launching new coverage options, products, and pricing.
as it has always been our goal – i’m going to continue shooting the same delicious photographs…and with these new simplified adjustments we can give you more of what you want!
“all human inventions progress from the complex to the simple and the perfection is always simplicity.” – alexander dumas, the count of monte cristo
if you’re a bride who is planning a wedding and has yet to book…i’d suggest to contact us now to take advantage of our current options.
to receive a brochure of our current coverage plans and options, please email me:
duston@dustontodd.com
801.635.6071
this is my attempt to photograph the soulless portrait.
to take the living and remove that vital element called life, the element that gives shape, voice, and wings to an individual.
what is the result? what is communicated?
what connection, relationship, and role do we as the viewers have with the portrait?
this project has deeply affected me and has become one of the most personal things i have ever experienced through my own art. if you haven’t had a chance, and would like to gain more insight to the story behind the project….then read this article (written by the incredibly talented Melissa Niu): click here to read article
this exhibit is going to be quite unique. gone is the traditional method of framed pictures displayed on walls…
and lastly, the small parking lot just east of the studio will have free parking during the time of the exhibit!!! space is limited. many thanks to internet properties for your courtesy!
looking forward to seeing you there!
thanks,
- duston
click here for a map and parking directions to the studio.
apparently people are wanting to hear what i have to say. so here goes:
i have a brain.
i have a mouth.
i have fingers and toes.
don’t you nose?
okay, maybe thats not what they are wanting from me. maybe skip the milk and head straight to the meat. to hear/read from me, something like my life story, my profession, why i shoot film, what inspires me, where i’ve been, where i am at, and where i am going…if this is your cup of soup then i ask to lend an ear or an eye (one interview is audio and one is written).
my interview (audio) with Scott Sheppard* for inside analog photo radio: listen to the interview
we talk for about a half hour on all the goods. where i’ve been, where i am at, where i am going, film film film, and lots of meaty stuff. give it a spin and enjoy.
* Scott Sheppard has done an INCREDIBLE job in talking with dozens upon dozens of photographers from all over who are shooting film. There are many a name dropper here. If you are considering shooting film, or are just curious and want to perhaps become inspired – i HIGHLY recommend you give your time to many of the talents. Scott Sheppard
(or search inside analog photo radio on your podcast via itunes)
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and my interview (written) with fellow photog and a new found friend, Melissa Niu: read the interview
Melissa nailed it. deep in my heart. i know the above text in this post has been light-hearted and fun, but this interview is anything but that. it opened a very poignant memory in my life and i am very thankful to her for sharing her talent and gift with words.
(the interview gives much more insight of my experience in my recent project “death portraits“.)
what brought this interview about? Melissa is currently working on her own project all about u in the which she describes her motivation as “my selfish need to be selfless”. have a story? she wants to hear it. how cool is that!!
nostalgia: a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
INXS does this to me. yesterday i was swept away to the memories of my mother dancing on top of our 70’s orange carpet in the living room while she grooved to the vinyl record of INXS….”i need you tonight”.
Beck my most favoritist musician, has been working on a project titled record club, (a club which consists of handfuls of insanely talented musicians and such), and recently he/they have been covering some fantastic songs by INXS.
have a listen will you: never tear us apart meditate devil inside i need you tonight
us film shooters don’t have the luxury of instant gratification of seeing an image appear on an LCD screen…instead we have to wait an entire minute for the no-longer-in-production-polaroid to develop – definitely comes at a cost.
